Narcissism and the Aging Adult – What Caregivers Can Do to Deal With This Difficult Task (in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Carefree & Fountain Hills Arizona)

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Caring for an aging parent with narcissism is very difficult position to be put in. Many care givers find themselves in the unenviable position of providing care of the elderly narcissist at the cost of their own survival. Care giving is stressful, at times overwhelming and promotes guilt. The aging narcissist finds this to be a perfect scenario.

Care giver stress is real. When you choose to take on the role of care of the elderly and aging narcissist you may not be prepared for what is in store for you. Every culture or religion has some belief of “Honor thy father and thy mother.” It does not say that you have to love or even like them.

If you are an adult child or a spouse of a narcissist you are in a situation of constantly trying to please a person that is unable to be pleased. The narcissist must control everyone and everything in their world. These individuals have an ego and an exaggerated sense of self importance. The aging narcissist considers their skills, their achievements and themselves to be far superior to any other individual that crosses their path.

On the exterior, the aging narcissist may appear cordial, friendly and confident. But underneath their false exterior is an individual that is trying to compensate for their own shortcomings, real or imagined. They have the inability to have empathy for others and push the individuals in their lives as far as they can. They always raise the bar of their expectations of what they want from an individual.

A spouse or a child that lives and cares for someone displaying the traits of narcissism is always trying to seek their approval, do things the “right” way. A narcissist is not capable of admitting they are wrong, never can say “I am sorry” and if there is a “thank-you” it may be followed by the word “but.”

More on the topic the horrible truth of narcissism and the aging parent

To survive care giving of an aging narcissist is to first acknowledge you have power over your own feelings and emotions. You have control over how you respond. You do not have the control over the negative behaviors that are directed at you.

Narcissists control by demeaning, demoralizing and even through character assignation. They will wear a person down until there is nothing but your outer shell of a body. Many family members that care for the aging narcissist feel as if they will have the very life sucked out of them.

As a self absorbed and selfish egomaniac, the aging narcissist is not capable of feelings for others, not even love. This is a difficult concept for many family members to accept. Those care givers that are always in the approval seeking mode eventually begins to feel a sense of anger, depression and sadness about themselves. Many family members work hard to keep the relationship going, not realizing that it is a one sided effort.

To survive the caring of a narcissistic family member, you must set emotional limits. Take the power of control over you away from the aging narcissist. This is not an easy task, as you do not want to confront or identify that the narcissist has any faults. I suggest you wear an invisible shield, one that the directed verbal and emotional abuse bounces off. I use that as a way of saying not to take anything that is said to you personally. If you do, you will not survive.

Narcissists, when confronted about any imperfections will respond with anger and even rage. The verbal and emotional abuse they can instill knows no boundaries. If you cross a narcissist, they will do anything and everything in their power to get revenge.

To respond to an aging narcissist, you must remain calm. Do not respond to their tirades. When they make statements or judgments do not hesitate to question them. Ask is a non confrontational way such as: “How did you come to that conclusion?” or “I’m confused, show me how it is to be done right”

It is always important for the care giver of an aging narcissist to always, and I mean, always, have an exit strategy in place or a plan B (possibly a backup care giving situation). Put time limits on your interactions, have a reason to leave the room. When in doubt or in a situation that has you loosing control, run as fast as you can! Your very mental and emotional well being is being threatened.

The horrible truth of narcissism and the aging parent is that it is an extremely difficult situation to be in. For those that care for the elderly narcissist, many feel as if they have no choice. One last survival tip, is to consider allowing other to be the care giver and you take over as the over seer of the care. It may be the only way you will survive.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Diane_Carbo

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10 Second Poll on Healthcare and Seniors

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Summer – Now is the time to plan for Long Term Care – Right at Home, In Home Senior Care – Phoenix, Scottsdale, Carefree, Cave Creek, Paradise Valley, Arizona, AZ

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Summertime brings a lot of family time. With family reunions, picnics, weddings and other events, long distant family members travel to gather together. It is also the perfect time to do some planning for the future. With parents aging and their health and lifestyles changing, children need to discuss some changes and decisions that will be needed in the near future. Parents should take the time to tell their children where important documents are kept and what their wishes are in the event of needing health care directives or experiencing long term care needs.

For those children who live away, the change they see in their parent’s health and mental capacity may be alarming — whereas siblings that have daily contact are working with these issues constantly. Here is the chance to compare notes and work together as a complete family in the long term care planning process.

For you parents who are well and active, this is a good time to hold a family meeting and share with your children your plan for long term care. Tell them where financial and legal documents are located. Review health care directives, living wills and long term care alternatives.

Experience has shown that even families that are close can quickly grow angry, jealous and hostile towards each other when an aging parent begins to need long term care. If a sibling moves into the parent’s home, others can easily be suspicious of ulterior motives and fear losing their inheritance. On the other hand, the child providing the elder care becomes bitter and feels there is no support or help from siblings. Pre-need meetings for the purpose of making a plan, before eldercare becomes imminent, avoids these types of conflicts.

In its book, “The 4 Steps of Long Term Care Planning,” the National Care Planning Council provides guidelines and checklists for family planning meetings. Here’s an excerpt from the book:

“The first step to holding a meeting, and perhaps the most difficult one, is to get all interested persons together in one place at one time.

If it’s a family gathering, perhaps a birthday, an anniversary or another special event could be used as a way to get all to meet. Or maybe even a special dinner might be an incentive.

The person conducting the meeting can be a parent or one person of a couple who are doing their planning, years before the need for care arises. A meeting on behalf of someone already receiving care or needing care in the immediate future could be conducted by that person or by a member of the family, by an adviser or a friend.

The agenda could be formal or informal. If you want a formal agenda, we suggest using our care planning checklist as the agenda.  Copies of the care plan should be prepared prior to the meeting and  presented to those attending. Discussion is encouraged and we recommend that the person in charge not dictate but encourage input from everyone.

After a thorough discussion of the issues and the presentation of the solutions to the problems that will be encountered, there should be a consensus of all attending to support the plan. If the plan needs to be altered to meet everyone’s expectations then by all means do so if that can be done. But it is not always possible to please everyone so there must sometimes be compromise.

The end of the meeting should consist of asking everyone present to make his or her commitment to support the plan.

GET IT IN WRITING! All good intentions seem to be forgotten with time. It may be years after this meeting before the long term care plan begins. If there are vocal commitments to help with transportation to doctors, give respite to the caregiver or other commitments, write them down on the care agreement. You can even have each person put a signature to his or her commitment if you think that is important.”

“The 4 Steps of Long Term Care Planning ,” by The National Care Planning Council

The U.S Department of Health and Human Services states:

“No one wants to think about a time when they might need long-term care. So planning ahead for this possibility often gets put off. Most people first learn about long-term care when they or a loved one need care. Then their options are often limited by lack of information, the immediate need for services, and insufficient resources to pay for preferred services. Planning ahead allows you to have more control over your future”.

http://www.longtermcare.gov

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Important Info for Seniors – Dementia Symptoms from Right at Home of Phoenix / Scottsdale

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Dementia Symptoms

Symptoms of dementia vary considerably by the individual and the underlying cause of the dementia. Most people affected by dementia have some (but not all) of these symptoms. The symptoms may be very obvious, or they may be very subtle and go unrecognized for some time. The first sign of dementia is usually loss of short-term memory. The person repeats what he just said or forgets where she put an object just a few minutes ago. Other symptoms and signs are as follows:

Early dementia

• Word-finding difficulty – May be able to compensate by using synonyms or defining the word
• Forgetting names, appointments, or whether or not the person has done something; losing things
• Difficulty performing familiar tasks – Driving, cooking a meal, household chores, managing personal finances
• Personality changes (for example, sociable person becomes withdrawn or a quiet person is coarse and silly)
• Uncharacteristic behavior
• Mood swings, often with brief periods of anger or rage
• Poor judgment
• Behavior disorders – Paranoia and suspiciousness
• Decline in level of functioning but able to follow established routines at home
• Confusion, disorientation in unfamiliar surroundings – May wander, trying to return to familiar surroundings

Intermediate dementia

• Worsening of symptoms seen in early dementia, with less ability to compensate
• Unable to carry out activities of daily living (eg, bathing, dressing, grooming, feeding, using the toilet) without help
• Disrupted sleep (often napping in the daytime, up at night)
• Unable to learn new information
• Increasing disorientation and confusion even in familiar surroundings
• Greater risk of falls and accidents due to poor judgment and confusion
• Behavior disorders – Paranoid delusions, aggressiveness, agitation, inappropriate sexual behavior
• Hallucinations
• Confabulation (believing the person has done or experienced things that never happened)
• Inattention, poor concentration, loss of interest in the outside world
• Abnormal moods (anxiety, depression)

Severe dementia

• Worsening of symptoms seen in early and intermediate dementia
• Complete dependence on others for activities of daily living
• May be unable to walk or move from place to place unassisted
• Impairment of other movements such as swallowing – Increases risk ofmalnutrition, choking, and aspiration (inhaling foods and beverages, saliva, ormucus into lungs)
• Complete loss of short- and long-term memory – May be unable to recognize even close relatives and friends
• Complications – Dehydration, malnutrition, problems with bladder control, infections, aspiration, seizures, pressure sores, injuries from accidents or falls

The person may not be aware of these problems, especially the behavior problems. This is especially true in the later stages of dementia.

Depression in elderly people can cause dementialike symptoms. As many as 40% of people with dementia are also depressed. Common symptoms of depression include depressed mood, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, withdrawal from others, sleep disturbances, weight gain or loss, suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and loss of ability to think clearly or concentrate.

People with irreversible or untreated dementia present a slow, gradual decline in mental functions and movements over several years. Total dependence and death, often frominfection, are the last stages.  (original text from http://www.emedicinehealth.com/dementia_overview/page3_em.htm)

In Arizona, Right at Home is standing by to assist you with your Senior In-Home Caregiving Needs.  Our trained, experienced, background-checked, caring, bonded and insured caregivers are waiting to assist you with everything from things like companionship, housekeeping and transportation all the way to helping with personal care items such as bathing, continence control and much more

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30 Reasons Your Loved One May Need a Caregiver – Right at Home Phoenix, Scottsdale, Fountain Hills, Cave Creek, Arizona ( AZ )

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30 Reasons Your Loved One May Need a Caregiver

By Rebecca Colmer

There are approximately 37 million people over the age of 65 and 5.3 million people over the age of 85. Each year millions of older people start requiring some sort of assistance to carry out their routine daily activities. Family members (family caregivers) provide most of the help.

It is not always easy to know when to intervene. It may seem like your loved one is in a gray area somewhere between competency and incompetence.

Your loved one can have a behavior that is not life threatening but still very serious. Making an assessment is the very step.

Here are some clues that your loved one may need some extra help:

1. Disheveled clothes

2. Stained or dirty clothes The same outfit worn everyday

3. Unkempt hair

4. Poor hygiene

5. Bad breath

6. Body odor

7. Having trouble walking

8. Having trouble sleeping

9. Dangerous driving

10. Extreme clutter in the home

11. Can’t do light housekeeping

12. Items not returned to drawers or cupboards

13. Clothes strewn about or left on floor

14. Medication bottles left open

15. Medications taken out of original containers and mixed up

16. Not much food in house

17. Spoiled or rotten food

18. Unpaid bills

19. Penalties for overdue bills

20. Unopened mail

21. Put on or lost a lot of weight that is unexplained

22. Signs of confusion

23. Signs of forgetfulness

24. Signs of isolation

25. Signs of depression

26. Drastic mood swings

27. Extreme sadness or loneliness

28. Loss of interest in favorite hobby

29. Stopped doing things they used to enjoy like gardening, reading, going to church, seeing friends

30. Can’t cope with everyday stress

If you do not live near your aging parents, ask a neighbor or friend to keep an eye on your parents and notify you if they notice any changes in their behavior.

Even if you determine that your loved one needs some assistance, keep in mind that they may be resistant to your help. Be gentle and compassionate when asking them to accept help.

It may take several tries before they start to accept your help. There is a big difference in offering help and completely taking away all of their independence.

However, if your parent’s life is in danger and you can’t find a way to intervene, call Adult Protective Services, which is a part of the Department of Social Services. They will send a nurse or social worker to your parent’s home to determine the risks and find ways to protect your parent.

The caregiver role is complex and differs for everyone depending on the needs of the care-receiver. Many times, in the beginning, there may only be a few needs, such as providing transportation or helping with shopping or cooking. Over time, needs increase, requiring additional services, until the care-receiver is fully dependent on the caregiver.

Rebecca Colmer is an Eldercare Advocate, Author, Speaker, Publisher, and Caregiver Expert. You can find more caregiving tools and resources at her website:Caregiving Tools

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rebecca_Sharp_Colmer

In Arizona, Right at Home is standing by to assist you with your Senior In-Home Caregiving Needs.  Our trained, experienced, background-checked, caring, bonded and insured caregivers are waiting to assist you with everything from things like companionship, housekeeping and transportation all the way to helping with personal care items such as bathing, continence control and much more

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Right at Home – Senior Home Care – The Right At Home Way – Know a Senior Trying to Save Money?

CLICK ===> Right at Home – Senior Home Care – The Right At Home Way » Know a Senior Trying to Save Money?

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Reasons Seniors More Likely to Become Dehydrated – From Right at Home In-Home Care in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Fountain Hills, Carefree

Study Reveals Reason Seniors Are More Likely to Become Dehydrated

Researchers from Australia’s Howard Florey Institute warn that elderly people are at risk of becoming dehydrated because their brains underestimate how much water they need to drink to rehydrate.

New research has discovered why as we grow older our thirst mechanism signals us less strongly—showing that we should take conscious steps to avoid dehydration. __________________________ .

Dehydration occurs when the body does not have enough water, and this can happen rapidly in extreme heat or through vigorous exercise.Symptoms of dehydration can include headaches, lethargy and hallucinations. In extreme cases, dehydration may even result in death.

Florey researchers Dr. Michael Farrell and Prof. Gary Egan, along with Florey Founding Director Prof. Derek Denton, discovered that a region in the brain called the mid-cingulate cortex predicts how much water a person needs, but that this region malfunctions in older people.

In the study, older subjects (aged 65 to 74) and younger subjects (aged 21 to 30) drank salty water to make them thirsty, and were then allowed to drink as much fresh water as they wanted.

Reports Dr. Farrell, “Although all participants had the same level of thirst, the older people only drank half as much water as the younger subjects. Using positron emission tomography (PET) imaging we found that in the older people, the mid-cingulate cortex was ‘turned off’ much earlier by drinking small volumes. This discovery helps explain why the elderly can become easily dehydrated.”

An August 2003 European heat wave claimed around 52,000 lives through dehydration and other causes—and many of the victims were older people. As climate change continues to be a growing global issue, the health implications for the elderly from rising summer temperatures add to this concern.

Dr. Farrell recommends that older people ensure they drink enough water during hot weather. “Adults should drink about eight glasses of water per day to prevent dehydration, and physically active people may need to drink more,” he says.

The Howard Florey Institute is Australia’s largest brain research center. The study was collaboration between the Florey and the Research Imaging Center at the University of Texas, where the PET imaging of the subjects was conducted. This research was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

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Laughter Yoga! for Seniors 80 years old – Brought to you by Right at Home Senior Home Care Phoenix, Scottsdale Arizona

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In Arizona, Right at Home is standing by to assist you with your Senior In-Home Caregiving Needs.  Our trained, experienced, background-checked, caring, bonded and insured caregivers are waiting to assist you with everything from things like companionship, housekeeping and transportation all the way to helping with personal care items such as bathing, continence control and much more

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2009 Pew Report – Which generations are doing what online

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by Sydney Jones, Research Assistant and Susannah Fox, Associate Director, Pew Internet & American Life Project
January 28, 2009

Contrary to the image of Generation Y as the “Net Generation,” internet users in their twenties do not dominate every aspect of online life. Generation X is the most likely group to bank, shop and look for health information online. Boomers are just as likely as Generation Y to make travel reservations online. And even Silent Generation internet users are competitive when it comes to email (although teens might point out that this is proof that email is for old people).

Internet use and email

The web continues to be populated largely by younger generations, as more than half of the adult internet population is between 18 and 44 years old. But larger percentages of older generations are online now than in the past and they are doing more activities online, according to the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project surveys taken from 2006-2008.

The biggest increase in internet use since 2005 can be seen in the 70-75 year-old age group. While just over one-fourth (26%) of 70-75 year olds were online in 2005, 45% of that age group is currently online. Much as we watch demographic and age groups move up in “degrees of access” on our “thermometers,”¹ we can probably expect to see these bars become more level as time goes on. For now, though, young people dominate the online population.

Instant messaging, social networking, and blogging have gained ground as communications tools, but email remains the most popular online activity, particularly among older internet users. Fully 74% of internet users age 64 and older send and receive email, making email the most popular online activity for this age group. At the same time, email has lost some ground among teens; whereas 89% of teens said they used email in 2004, just 73% currently say they do.

Teens and Generation Y find entertainment and social networks online

Teens and Generation Y (internet users age 18-32) are the most likely groups to use the internet for entertainment and for communicating with friends and family. These younger generations are significantly more likely than their older counterparts to seek entertainment through online videos, online games and virtual worlds, and they are also more likely to download music to listen to later. Internet users ages 12-32 are more likely than older users to read other people’s blogs and to write their own; they are also considerably more likely than older generations to use social networking sites and to create profiles on those sites.² Younger internet users often use personal blogs to update friends on their lives, and they use social networking sites to keep track of and communicate with friends.³ Teen and Generation Y users are also significantly more likely than older generations to send instant messages to friends.

By a large margin, teen internet users’ favorite online activity is game playing; 78% of 12-17 year-old internet users play games online,⁴ compared with 73% of online teens who email, the second most popular activity for this age group. Online teens are also significantly more likely to play games than any other generation, including Generation Y, only half (50%) of whom play online games.

Older generations use the internet as a tool for research, shopping and banking

Compared with teens and Generation Y, older generations use the internet less for socializing and entertainment and more as a tool for information searches, emailing, and buying products. In particular, older internet users are significantly more likely than younger generations to look online for health information. Health questions drive internet users age 73 and older to the internet just as frequently as they drive Generation Y users, outpacing teens by a significant margin. Researching health information is the third most popular online activity with the most senior age group, after email and online search.

Internet users ages 33-72 are also significantly more likely than younger users to look online for religious information and they are more likely to visit government websites in search of information.

Generation X (internet users ages 33-44) continues to lead in online shopping. Fully 80% of Generation X internet users buy products online, compared with 71% of internet users ages 18-32. Interest in online shopping is significantly lower among the youngest and oldest groups; 38% of online teens buy products online, as do 56% of internet users ages 64-72 and 47% of internet users age 73 and older.

Generation X internet users have also maintained their edge in online banking, as they are significantly more likely than any other generation to do their banking online (67%). As Generation Y users grow older, however, they have become much more likely to bank online as well: The percentage of online Generation Y who do banking online rose from 38% in 2005 to 57% in 2008. There has been no significant growth among older generations when it comes to banking online.

Video downloads, online travel reservations and work-related research are now pursued more equally by young and old

A few online activities previously dominated by either older generations or younger generations are now being done more equally across all generations under 73 years old. One such activity is downloading videos, an activity that in 2005 was significantly more popular with teens and Generation Y than with any other generation. Generation X is catching up, as 31% of that generation claim to download videos as of 2007, compared with 38% of Generation Y. Generations on the oldest end of the spectrum also became significantly more likely than they had been two years before to download videos. Some 13% of G.I. Generation internet users (age 73+) reported downloading videos, up from 1% in 2005, and another 13% of the online Silent Generation (ages 64-72) say they download videos, up from 8% in 2005.

Perhaps less surprisingly, Generation Y is also gaining significant ground in some activities previously dominated by Generation X and older. In addition to becoming more likely to do banking online, Generation Y has also grown more likely to make travel reservations online. In 2005, half (50%) of Generation Y internet users had booked travel arrangements online and in 2008 that number rose to 65%. During the same period, the percentages of Generation X and older generations to make online travel reservations remained about the same.

The workplace online network is expanding to include more Generation Y users.⁵ Internet users 18-32 are going online more than ever to do research for their jobs. In 2007, 51% said they used the internet for their jobs other than for email, compared with 44% of the same group in 2005.

Broadband access has doubled for many age groups, tripled in oldest groups

Since 2005, broadband access has increased dramatically in the United States across all age groups, but older groups are still largely unconnected to high-speed internet. For Americans ages 12-24, broadband access has increased by about half; for 25-64 year olds, it has about doubled; and for seniors 65 and older, broadband access has more than tripled. The percentage of the oldest age group to have broadband at home is still very low, however, at just 16%.

Always-on, high-speed connections make it more convenient for internet users to participate in online activities, and broadband users are significantly more likely than dial-up users to do almost all major online activities.⁶ When looking at internet users who go online from home in 2008, broadband is more equally accessed by all age groups; 70% of home internet users older than 75 years old have high-speed access. As broadband access continues to increase for all age groups, perhaps we will see increased internet activity, particularly among the trailing older generations.

View a series of charts for more analysis at pewinternet.org.

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Notes

1. “Degrees of Access,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, May 2008.
2. “Adults and Social Network Websites,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, Jan. 2008.
3. “Teens and Social Media,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, Dec. 2007.
4. “Teens, Video Games and Civics,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, Sept. 2008.
5. “Networked Workers,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, Sept. 2008.
6. “Home Broadband 2008,” Pew Internet & American Life Project, July 2008.

In Arizona, Right at Home is standing by to assist you with your Senior In-Home Caregiving Needs.  Our trained, experienced, background-checked, caring, bonded and insured caregivers are waiting to assist you with everything from things like companionship, housekeeping and transportation all the way to helping with personal care items such as bathing, continence control and much more

Please click Right at Home or call 602-569-7240 or, if you’d like to write to us, please email us at info@RAH-Phx.com.  Thank you!

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Positions available for Caregivers in Phoenix & Scottsdale

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Caregiver or CNA in the North or Central Phoenix Area? Please submit resume online below or stop in at:

RIGHT AT HOME
3240 E. Union Hills – Suite #165 (32nd St/Union Hills)
Phoenix, Arizona 85050 – Tel: 602-569-7241

In Arizona, Right at Home is standing by to assist you with your Senior In-Home Caregiving Needs.  Our trained, experienced, background-checked, caring, bonded and insured caregivers are waiting to assist you with everything from things like companionship, housekeeping and transportation all the way to helping with personal care items such as bathing, continence control and much more

Please click Right at Home or call 602-569-7240 or, if you’d like to write to us, please email us at info@RAH-Phx.com.  Thank you!

If you are a Caregiver seeking employment in the Phoenix, Scottsdale, Carefree, Cave Creek & Fountain Hills, Arizona Area, please apply on line at Right at Home or Call the

EMPLOYMENT HOTLINE 602-569-7241